Do you believe if you stand out, you’ll be kicked out? Out of a friend or peer group … out of belonging?
This is one of 9 common lies that Jamie Kern Lima exposes in her new book: Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life.
It’s a lie that’s holding many people back from believing in their own worthiness … from believing they’re enough.
Have you felt that way? I’ll admit, I have.
I imagine that if I show all that I’m capable of, then people important to me – friends and family – would think things like:
- Are you forgetting where you come from?
- Are we not good enough anymore?
- Who do you think you are?
Now, nobody has ever said any of these things. But I have felt like if I stand out too much, I won’t belong anymore.
Believing the Lie Leads to “Safe” but Limiting Behavior
So, I have done all the things Jamie talks about in the video above. I’ve downplayed my full strengths and talents. I’ve played small to make other people more comfortable.
Instead of letting this light of mine truly shine, I’ve dialed it back to a soft ambient glow.
The truth is this is a self-sabotaging lie I tell myself to keep myself safe.
The problem is that what is keeping me safe is also keeping me stuck. It’s holding me down, holding me back from what I could (should?) be.
And if you’re buying into this lie, it’s holding you back, too.
How to Break Free from the Lie and Start Standing Out in Your Greatness
To break free from living with the lie, Jamie gives this advice:
“The way to go from invisible to visible, from unseen to seen, is first to decide you want to. And second, to make the decision, step-by-step, to stop dimming your own light and playing it small.”
I actually think she missed, or maybe assumed, a few steps. Here are the steps as I see them:
- Recognize you’re doing it … playing small and dimming your light.
- Once you’ve acknowledged your pattern, decide to break it.
- Most importantly, take action that breaks the pattern.
Your first action might be small. Perhaps it’s speaking up to share a single idea. Maybe it’s as simple as wearing that beautiful bold red lipstick at your next meeting.
You can then build up to the big actions. The important thing is to DO SOMETHING to break the pattern and get out from under the weight of the lie.
And then KEEP taking the action.
It takes consistent action to establish a habit. And it takes the same consistent action to break one that’s not serving your best interests … especially when it’s one that feels safe and comfortable.
But you can do it. So can I.
And it’s not just that we can … we must.
We must get out from under the lie. Because you and I … we’re worthy of more.
I’d love to hear what you think about this topic. Post your thoughts on social and tag me (@coachmichelepeterson), or simply comment below!
I share tools and strategies to build confidence so that you’re more comfortable standing out in my online course WIN Working From Home: How to Stay Productive, Connected and Confident as a Work From Home Woman. Click here to learn more.
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